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Thirty Seven Weeks

How happy I was

When the doctor told me that I was expecting

Our first child that we really waited for

How happy I was

When I enjoyed day after day, week after week

Waiting to follow your progress until you were born into this world

How happy I was

When you greeted me with your gentle little kick

“Just wait for The Day,” said the doctor

On Friday morning . . .

I was waiting for your usual greeting in the morning

The minutes passed . . .

Why are you silent?

Where is your kick? Are you not stretching?

Are you still asleep in there?

Why is my stomach so hard? Have you changed your position?

I panicked . . . restless . . . “Oh Allah save her life,

Save her Oh Allah . . .”

When the doctor’s blade touched my abdomen

In order to save you and me

Only a few minutes . . . and you were born into this world . . .

But . . . where is your cry? I want to hear . . .

Cry hard! . . . CRY HARD please! . . . I did not hear . . .

Please cry . . .

But you . . .

Were still . . .

“Innaa lillahi wa innaa ilaihi raaji’un . . .”

Allah loves you more

Allah had written your age in His Lauh Mahfuz and had set it even before you were born

Allah provided us togetherness during 37 weeks . . .

I strengthened my faith

I reinforced my helpless body

I held back my tears whenever any condolences came

Friends and relatives looked at me . . . sorrowful

I should be happy

I was being chosen . . . not others

My daughter was chosen to be taken care of by Prophet I’brahim, ’Alaihis-Salaam, up in the heavens

I should be happy

I have a precious gift for the hereafter

I have a child who is waiting for me at the doors, at the gates, of heaven

I already have a child who will go to the Rabb

To negotiate with Him on my behalf . . .

So that I can be placed in the heavens with her

O Allah . . .

I am sincere . . . and I submit . . .

Copyright © 2014, Delina Partadiredja, The Muslimah Speaks

From the poetry anthology, The Muslimah Speaks: Her Voice, Her Spirit. Delina Partadiredja has been writing since elementary school and is currently the manager of content for aMuslima.com.  She has contributed to an Islamic website, has co-authored 2 books and has completed her Bachelor of Economics. She has held a career in banking and has obtained an MBA from Leicester University in the UK.  She currently lives in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia.